just what is authenticity? what does it really mean to be authentic? i believe it’s more than just being transparent, spilling the beans about all that i am. truth is, i don’t think i’ll ever know all that i am, so how can i can truly be transparent when some bits i can’t even see?
i feel like i’ve been getting a lot of things wrong lately. i don’t really know. i guess no one can give me a sure answer. our choices could be right and right, but is there such a thing as one which is ‘more right’?
my thoughts are running incoherent again. pardon me.
i came across the song below, by one of my favourite taiwanese bands – mayday. i guess it somewhat spells out the knots in my heart now. i’m grappling with different definitions of the things i see around me. i’m questioning a lot of things, i think. basically just really knotted. i hope it will get untied soon.
人 群中 哭著 你只想變成透明的顏色
你再也不會夢 或痛 或心動了
你已經決定了 你已經決定了
你 靜靜 忍著 緊緊把昨天在拳心握著
而回憶越是甜 就是 越傷人了
越是在 手心留下 密密麻麻 深深淺淺 的刀割
你不是真正的快樂 你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼
這 世界 笑了 於是妳合群的一起笑了
當生存是規則 不是 你的選擇
於是妳 含著眼淚 飄飄盪盪 跌跌撞撞 的走著
你不是真正的快樂 你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼
你不是真正的快樂 你的傷從不肯完全的癒合
我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了 然後才後悔著
你值得真正的快樂 你應該脫下你穿的保護色
為什麼失去了 還要被懲罰呢
能不能就让 悲伤全部
结束在此刻 重新开始活着
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